When things don't quite go as per plan,
When LIFE isn't going how I (imagined it would when the journey) began,
When I feel alone,
divided, and joyless inside;
my heart heavy with the sadness that comes from a few ill-timed words and an aggressive glare,
from the one I hoped, would understand me...
When love is just a faint memory, life makes my present no gift...
when we spiral into blaming the circumstances,
the finances,
or the lack of time,
when careless jokes or insecurities you voice make me feel so powerless,
so 'without-a-choice'
When our inherent differences make this joyless co-existence we pretend to uphold a burden...
A marriage 'for' whom May I ask??!!
for joy, for love, or a dragging task??
"The kids are young, they need US," you say,
and "If I didn't love you, you'd be out in a day..".
not reassuring, if I dare say myself... not at all uplifting to be told I'm a slob,
Or that I'm aggressive when I only stand up and speak my mind,
add my 'partners' bit in our so-called 'TEAM PARTNERSHIP'...
trying to be an equal ally not a trouble, nor liability.
when my self-respect is down in the toes of my shoes,
when I feel nothing, any more, not even an urge to cry..
It is time, my Dear,
Its time to let you go,
time to say goodbye,
But certainly not time to die...
Maybe, if I only gather up my shreds,
and become a bit stronger and forge on, ahead,
alone, but not lonely,
Poor and yet positive,
I might still make something worthwhile of my life yet.
Just need to leap, to spread out my wings,
to catch the air and learn to fly...
It is time, to be ME, again, and live and let (you) live too,
I do still care,
I also love you,
just not in the way we'd thought it would be,
Our lives are now so 'separate',
they don't mingle or gel.
This is not a marriage, no, it makes us all unwell.
We need to talk, but my words are now gone...
I am numb, I'm sad, I'm tired and sore,
I don't like this, I don't need this, don't want it, any more...
When LIFE isn't going how I (imagined it would when the journey) began,
When I feel alone,
divided, and joyless inside;
my heart heavy with the sadness that comes from a few ill-timed words and an aggressive glare,
from the one I hoped, would understand me...
When love is just a faint memory, life makes my present no gift...
when we spiral into blaming the circumstances,
the finances,
or the lack of time,
when careless jokes or insecurities you voice make me feel so powerless,
so 'without-a-choice'
When our inherent differences make this joyless co-existence we pretend to uphold a burden...
A marriage 'for' whom May I ask??!!
for joy, for love, or a dragging task??
"The kids are young, they need US," you say,
and "If I didn't love you, you'd be out in a day..".
not reassuring, if I dare say myself... not at all uplifting to be told I'm a slob,
Or that I'm aggressive when I only stand up and speak my mind,
add my 'partners' bit in our so-called 'TEAM PARTNERSHIP'...
trying to be an equal ally not a trouble, nor liability.
when my self-respect is down in the toes of my shoes,
when I feel nothing, any more, not even an urge to cry..
It is time, my Dear,
Its time to let you go,
time to say goodbye,
But certainly not time to die...
Maybe, if I only gather up my shreds,
and become a bit stronger and forge on, ahead,
alone, but not lonely,
Poor and yet positive,
I might still make something worthwhile of my life yet.
Just need to leap, to spread out my wings,
to catch the air and learn to fly...
It is time, to be ME, again, and live and let (you) live too,
I do still care,
I also love you,
just not in the way we'd thought it would be,
Our lives are now so 'separate',
they don't mingle or gel.
This is not a marriage, no, it makes us all unwell.
I am numb, I'm sad, I'm tired and sore,
I don't like this, I don't need this, don't want it, any more...
Oh hun I hope You not as miserable tonight.........and pls,pls don't jump in conclusion You need "happy pills" now :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was walking today from service temporarily carless (bcs otherwice U won't see me walk lol) I saw a little statue of angel in the window of the shop she had written on her dress: "If You put down seed of HOPE, You will see your DREAMS grow"........which even cheered Me up, it may work a bit for U 2 xxPavla
Dear Ruch,
ReplyDeleteI know how this situations feels. I have seen me and many of my friends go through this kind of feeling at least once in our life. Ruch I know, is a fighter(not in the real meaning sense, but in essence). Giving up does not come in the dictionary of women like you and me who want happy environment for our kids and ourselves.
I will, in my next few post, share a few things I implement, my few friends implement and have gone from 'about to breakup' into a totally opposite- 'life of love and family'.
But to allow for what I write on my post to enter into one's mind, then heart and then get implemented, one needs to feel calm, peace and throw away any anger, resentment and bad feelings for their spouse. I hope you start with that....more in my post on my blog.
I am with you....
Love
Mon